You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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