So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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