Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
