He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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