6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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