I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
