Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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