Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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