i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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