He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
