Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
