How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
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I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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