Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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