im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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