Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
