Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
