Can Purell be used as lube?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
