I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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