the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize