just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
