I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
