So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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