I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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