just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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