woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
