I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
