I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
