wakey wakey hands off snakey
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
