Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
