Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
