Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
