either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
