Pregnant stripper...not hot.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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