Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
