I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
