everyone is single if you try hard enough
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need moral support for this bender
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
