You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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