White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
