last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
