I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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