I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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