So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
