Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
