If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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