i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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