is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
