you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
