I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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