I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
