were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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