and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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