I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
