Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
