Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
