im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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