The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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