I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
