Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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