She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
