So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
