also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
