I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
