yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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