I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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