Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
