barbara walters just said penis...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
