I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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