I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
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Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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