I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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