please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I love having hate sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
