thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
