Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
