I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
