I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
4 words: hood of his car
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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