paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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