You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
