Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
