It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
