Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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